March 2014 – Coffee and Inclusion

Basketball

Basketball is a fun sport to watch. It seems like many of us become experts in college basketball every year, right around St Patrick’s Day. March Madness prompts us to determine the outcome of the tournament, whether we know anything about any of the teams or not.

Mark and I are no different. We filled out brackets this year, in a pool with our small group from church. Mark follows sports more closely than I do, but due to a great run of luck, my bracket is beating his. I, of course, am loving this; sometimes, you can’t help but gloat, right? I made some pretty crazy picks, but after today’s games, three of the four teams that I placed in the Final Four are actually there. Not bad for someone who pays little attention to sports!

The kids are getting into the games, too, which has been fun. It’s rare for us to find programming that we can all enjoy together, so the tournament has been great. They like to reenact the games in the living room, which is sometimes obnoxious, but chaos in this house is pretty common so we’re used to tuning it out.

Next Saturday’s games will be entertaining, too. We’ll definitely be watching! Here’s hoping my bracket is still in good shape next week.

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Saturday Reblog: The Anticipation of Spring

Being the weekend, I’ve decided to share a post that was written in Winter 2013:

Done. Absolutely, totally over winter. Do you hear me, Mother Nature? Enough already.

And it hasn’t even been that bad this year. Definitely more snow than last year, but I don’t think it has been so bad, temperature-wise. I’m still done, though.

I’m tired of the extra ten minutes it takes for the kids to put their coats on, then take them off again when we get into the car. I’m also tired of the extra ten minutes it takes for the kids to put their coats on AGAIN when we reach our destination. Seriously, who has time for that?

Don’t get me wrong; I’m also not a huge fan of summer. I don’t like the heat, the humidity, the sun, the sweating. I’m very fair, and I burn after about seven minutes in the sun…even when wearing my SPF 50+. Ridiculous. My theory that I am descended from vampires makes a lot more sense after you spend a summer day with me.

But spring…lovely spring. Blue skies, chirping birds (winter days seem so quiet!), flowers sprouting up from the ground. It’s like a redo on the year, a few months in. Let’s face it, New Year resolutions are probably long forgotten by now, but with the arrival of spring also comes a renewal of motivation that helps jump start whatever goals you were working on. (Note to self: dig running shoes out of closet…)

Spring is the time to get back outside, to enjoy the fresh air that we avoid in the winter for fear of freezing to death while breathing it in. It’s also a time to clean up; after all the snow melts, you can see all the crap that escapes your recycling bins on windy days, only to get buried in snow or blown down the street by icy winds. New plans for landscaping are made, barbeques are planned, and drinks are poured on patios (even though sometimes you sit, shivering, under blankets because spring in Ohio is still kind of chilly…but it’s SPRING, damn it, and we are not sitting inside!).

Of course, as I sit and write this, I’m already thinking how ironic it is that in just a few months I’ll probably be posting “The Anticipation of Fall” because I’ll already be over summer. Don’t judge; it’s tiring to chase three kids around the neighborhood with spray cans of sunscreen.

But until then, I will indeed look forward to leaving the house with everyone in light jackets that can easily be worn in a five-point-harness car seat. Right now, that sounds quite heavenly, as I see that there is more snow in our forecast…

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Heels

We have many different shoe options. Shoes can make an outfit, right? For some reason, today I thought that wearing heels would be a good idea. Tonight, my sore feet have other opinions.

It was finally above freezing today, and I was wearing pants that are a little long, so I pulled out a cute pair of open-toe heels. They made my pants look nicer, and I was able to show off a pedicure that I got weeks ago but have kept hidden under layers of socks (spring in Ohio is just lovely). I made it about 12 minutes before I wishing I would have worn flats.

Who convinced women that heels were necessary pieces of our wardrobes? Why did we listen? We willingly cram our feet into shoes that are very uncomfortable. Why? Fashion. That’s why. Sometimes, fashion is more important than being nice to our feet.

Someday, someone will invent a comfortable pair of heels. I’m waiting, not-so-patiently, for that day to arrive. If someone could get on that right away, that’d be super.

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Funny

I try to keep a nice house, meaning tidy and decorated, but let’s face it: it’s nearly impossible when you have children under the age of 10.

Just this evening, I was complaining at the dinner table because someone smeared spaghetti sauce all over one of the new placemats. My husband suggested that maybe we just shouldn’t have placemats.

My left eyebrow shot up; it really does have a mind of its own at this point.

“I have the placemats to cover up all the marker and ink and scratches on this table!”, I oh-so-helpfully explained to Mark. Then, my tirade continued with “These things wouldn’t happen if I didn’t live in a house full of flying monkeys!”

Mark, not missing a beat, responded with “Well, let’s just remember who was in charge of all the flying monkeys.”

Touché, dear. If he and the kids are the flying monkeys, I suppose that does make me the Wicked Witch.

I bet she had clean placemats, though.

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Diva?

I may be nearing diva status. Not the typical diva, one who performs and is celebrated for her vocal talents. Rather, something a little different: a Mom Diva. A Miva? A Dimo? I don’t know. The name really isn’t that important.

Like many mothers, I’m involved in my kids’ activities. I have always been supportive of them and their endeavors, but I have always promised myself that I wouldn’t be that mom. I don’t want to be the obnoxious Dance Mom, the pushy Stage Mom, or the loudmouthed Sports Mom. I really, really don’t want to be any of those people. I just don’t have the time or energy. I see the reality shows; I’ve witnessed acts of hard core mom-ing at my own kids’ events. I want none of it. I’m sure their coaches/instructors appreciate it.

Now, when it comes to school matters, or similar issues, it’s a different story. Any time I find myself in the role of the advocate, I find myself a little bit closer to the diva line. Or, at least, that is how those on the other side of the issue tend to respond, like I’m some prima donna that they have to satisfy just to shut me up. When I get what I want for my kids, what I think is in their best interest (I’m not making unreasonable demands), I feel like I’m regarded as that mom. In this case, I’m ok with it.

I’ve recently found myself at two different events, which didn’t go the way I would have liked, and I was unhappy about it. For once, these issues weren’t directly related to the school, but they were tied to the kids. I found myself all wound up, spouting things like “There needs to be a change!” and “Maybe I just won’t kill myself to participate this year!” Definitely diva-worthy statements; had my hair been longer, I probably would have flipped it.

Who am I kidding, though? Of course I’ll continue to participate, and I’ll suggest changes that will probably be easily dismissed. That will feed the inner diva in me, I’ll throw a couple more hissy fits, and that will be the end of it. Or will it? I haven’t really decided yet. (Is this blog post vague enough for you? Ha!)

Fortunately for everyone, the person who will most likely get to deal with Jen the Diva is my husband. Everyone else will probably see a reserved, maybe scowling, Jen, but don’t let that fool you. I could be just one more frustrating meeting away from becoming a full blown, Real Housewives worthy, diva.

Maybe, at the very least, I’ll get my own tv show…

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Ugh

Ugh. Yep, that about sums up today.

It snowed, again. The kids are refusing to do their homework, and pretty much everything else I ask them to do. I had to attend an unorganized, frustrating meeting (which, for once, had nothing to do with school). I have a crappy cough that won’t go away, for which my doc prescribed a pricey nighttime cough syrup that I’m reluctant to take because I have too much to do to just slurp it down and pass out in bed for the next 10 hours.

Ugh.

So, yeah, this is all I got for today. Super.

Tomorrow is a new day, though, so I will just fumble my way through the rest of today and hope that inspiration strikes tomorrow. Until then, good night…and ugh, again.

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Monday, again.

It’s Monday. We’re all tired, right? And, I want to watch Dancing with the Stars. But, since I’m on this journey to post a blog every day this year, I can’t just bail and let everyone down. So, I’ve decided to share with you my other blog space.

I’m fortunate enough to be working with a wonderful foundation on a new concept which can benefit Buddy Walks across the nation, and part of my job is contributing to their blog. Today during a conference call, I was referred to as the “resident blogger”…way cool!! Please check out my very first blog post on the ds-connex blog.

I hope you’ll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Until tomorrow, friends.

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Break

While pondering what I should blog about this evening, my lovely husband suggested I write about how he so generously gave me a break this afternoon. I enjoyed the support, so here goes…

Sunday. A time to relax and gear up for the week ahead. We begin our Sundays with church; it is a great way to refocus and find peace after a week of chaos, to recharge and prepare for the upcoming days. This morning was no different. We enjoyed a wonderful service, and were ready to head home and move on to the next part of our day (a trip to the library).

I should totally know, by now, that my best laid plans are quickly revised by Alex.

As we were making our way out of the church, Mr Alex decided (for a still unknown reason) that he wasn’t ready to leave. Instead, he apparently thought it would be more fun to drop to the floor and refuse to move. Good times. We just started working with a behaviorist, who will hopefully guide us in maneuvering these tantrums, so I started to employ some of our newly learned tactics. I let him tantrum. Ad and I stood with him while he sat on the floor, letting him know that he could sit as long as he wanted, but we would still need to walk to the car to go home. He was not impressed. After about ten minutes, I was done. Patience gone. I helped him to his feet and began to assist him in walking down the hall. We made it a few steps and he dropped to a bench. I decided to start over, and let him know that we needed to go to the car so we could go home. This went on for a while, and then my patience was gone again. I hoisted him up and began to carry him out to the car; this is not an easy task when you have 50 pounds of squirming, angry boy in your arms!

After another 10 minutes or so, we made it to the car. Not without a scene in front of visitors to our church from Mexico, of course; it wouldn’t happen any other way. Ha! At least I can giggle about what they must have been thinking as I struggled to get Alex to the car. Oh, well.

When we finally made it to the car, Al would not get buckled. At that point, I didn’t care; we were in the car, and this introvert could, at long last, exhale. Another 10 minutes went by, and Alex was buckled in his seat and ready to go. It took us about a half hour to get to that point.

We made it home, and I went to find Mark (who had stayed home today), and I quickly told him that I was taking Addie out for a lunch date. I needed to get away from the chaos, I was hungry, and I felt like Ad needed rewarded for not complaining once when we were dealing with Al’s latest episode. She helped carry our stuff to the car, she patiently waited, and I felt like treating her to lunch.

Mark instantly recognized that I needed a break, and he accepted the spontaneous change of our afternoon plans without question. He’s awesome like that. He doesn’t spend as much time with the kids, as he works full time (while I work part time and escort the kids to most of their after-school activities), so he doesn’t get to deal with quite as many fits as I do. He knows how much a well-timed getaway is needed to help restore my patience, so he encouraged us to go.

Ad and I had a lovely time at lunch; we did a little shopping, and we returned home. I had a headache (go figure) and spent the rest of the day lounging on the couch, watching basketball. I haven’t had a “lazy day” in a long time. It was nice.

I am very thankful to all of those in our lives that help and support us. Alex can certainly be a handful sometimes (but mostly for me…go figure, again!). I tend to play it off like it either doesn’t happen as much, or that I can easily handle it, but the truth is that it is very difficult. It wears on me. But, because I have a partner who sees right through me and has the insight to not say a word when I decide on a whim to change our plans, I manage it. If not for his support and understanding, this ride would be much wilder.

Now, I’m off to enjoy the last couple of hours of my “lazy day” so I can suit up and be ready to tackle the world tomorrow.

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Hats

From the Duck Pond archives, this was originally posted over a year ago. But, it’s one of my favorite posts, so please indulge me in this “rerun”.

I have a huge head. Not as a result of an overactive ego, just a physically large head. Seems ironic and cruel that I love hats so much; I seem to be on a never ending quest to find a cute, stylish ladies’ hat that actually fits my head. Perhaps this is why I tend to take on so many projects: I want to figuratively “wear many hats”. My list of commitments seems overwhelming to most: stay-at-home-mom to three kids (although, we’re never actually at home), PTO Co-President, leadership representative with a direct sales company, board member, committee member, volunteer, fundraiser. I imagine each one of these as a different hat; some are bright with big feathers, others are more subdued. Perhaps my hardest earned hat is that of “advocate”; my oldest son has Down syndrome. This hat goes from conservative and understated to colorful and wild, depending on the day.

I advocate for my son so many levels. I work with his school to ensure he receives the proper education in an inclusive setting. I oversee his community activities to make sure he is treated as all the other children are treated. I watch him like a hawk on the playground or even in our neighborhood to make sure the other kids are including him in their games. As he gets older, I know it won’t get any easier; my advocacy efforts will focus on workplace equality, or making sure there is a place for him in continuing education opportunities. Sometimes I do these things gracefully and with a calm demeanor, while other times I am “that mom” who ends up taking out all the day’s frustrations on whatever issue is closest at hand with the awkward gusto of an irritated elephant. Either way, I get my point across…eventually. I like to consider myself a “pick your battles” kind of girl, but when it comes to advocating for my son, I will get my way. Patience is a good byproduct of advocacy, but not an easy learned lesson. For every “no” I hear, I have to revamp my argument and efforts until that “no” becomes a “yes”. It can be exhausting. I will do it, every time, if I truly believe that whatever it is I am fighting for will help Alex in any way. Small change or huge impact, I will do it.

I imagine my advocacy “hat” to be slightly tattered, and not as fancy as my other “hats”, but it is by far my favorite. I wear it proudly, and every time I see my son’s smile or hear his laugh, it mends itself and gives me strength to take on my next battle. And battle I will; you can bet your hat on it.

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World Down Syndrome Day

Today (3/21) is World Down Syndrome Day. What does that mean? Well, it’s a day to raise awareness, around the world, about Down syndrome. It’s a time to share about all the awesome accomplishments of individuals with Down syndrome. It’s an opportunity for advocates, like me, to try and show others that my son and his peers are equal and able members of our communities.

The most important thing you can do, to observe World Down Syndrome Day, is to think about how you might promote inclusion for an individual with Down syndrome. Deep down, that is what every individual with Ds wants: to be regarded as a peer, as an equal participant, as someone who can contribute. With the help of their families and friends, they are working so hard for inclusion, for something that anyone who is not considered “different” is readily handed.

We’ll get there. Some day, the voice of the Down syndrome community will be so powerful that we will help everyone understand how important inclusion is, not just for those with Ds and their families, but for everyone. Inclusion matters.

#InclusionMatters

Month: March 2014