parenting – Page 6 – Coffee and Inclusion

Tag: parenting

Manners

My kids are silly, loud, and can be absolute monsters. I accept this. They are great kids, but like most children, they can be also be little nightmares. Such is life.

One thing we have always stressed with them is the importance of good manners. There is no option there. I may be a “pick your battles” kind of mom, but if you’re my kid, I better hear “please” and “thank you” come out of your mouth.

Fortunately for them, my kids do pretty well with this, even without reminders. Today, I took them out to lunch, and listened to them order their drinks and meals (something else we’ve always stressed; they need to learn to speak up for themselves!), with the appropriate “May I please have…” requests. When their food came, the shift manager (who brought the food out) heard a cheerful round of “thank you!” as he set down their plates. I was satisfied to hear them use the manners we’ve reinforced since they could talk (or even before then, since Alex learned to sign before he could speak; you can bet he could sign “please” and “thank you”!).

After the bill was paid, and our server dropped off my receipt, she hesitated long enough to compliment the kids. She commented on how well behaved they were, and mentioned their nice manners, and told them that even her manager came to tell her that he also noticed those things.

The kids beamed. I beamed. It was a nice moment.

Of course, shortly after that, Alex threw a big wad of cheese on the floor of the grocery store and refused to pick it up, which resulted in a stand off. We won’t talk about that, though. I’m still enjoying the brief moment where someone saw how well behaved the kids can be. I’m allowed to do that.

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Table for One

Another challenging day in the ol’ duck pond.

Alex is really feeling the transition from the structured school routine into the less structured summer routine. Yes, we have a schedule for summer, but it’s not as defined as his schedule during the school year, so it takes him weeks to adjust.

I wanted to take the kids back to the zoo today, but Alex didn’t want to go anywhere because he thought it might rain (it was kind of cloudy). We compromised, and decided to visit the library and grab some ice cream before heading to his speech and occupational therapy appointments.

He loves the library, and who doesn’t enjoy a good ice cream treat, so I thought we’d have a great afternoon. It was, for the most part, but my kids have learned the art of screwing around in the car, with the thought that Mom can’t do anything about it because she’s driving.

Ugh.

I can not stand to hear screaming kids in the car. It’s nonsense. It’s not safe. It makes me crazy. Yet they continue to do it. I’ve stopped the car, taken away privileges, yanked electronic devices out of their sticky little hands, but I have yet to find the magic solution to their minivan shenanigans.

So, imagine the headache I had when we finally got home this evening, after hearing them yell, laugh, scream, and fight in the car in between all of our destinations today. It was ridiculous. I escorted them inside, said hello to my husband, and then said goodbye as I walked out the door to go have dinner, by myself.

I had a lovely meal at Pei Wei, dining quietly and uninterrupted, and even read a couple chapters in a book that I’m really enjoying but have a hard time squeezing into my schedule. It was glorious.

And now, I’m back home, the headache down to a dull roar. The laundry needs some attention and the dishwasher needs unloaded, and I’m certain there is something I could be doing for Team Alex, but I’m going upstairs to take in another couple chapters of my book.

Here’s hoping for a more peaceful Tuesday.

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Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day: a special day to reflect on how fortunate I truly am to have these three wild kiddos.

We started our day like any week, by going to church, but today my mom joined us. It was nice to have her there with us, and we were able to snag some great pictures. Our day proceeded just as any Sunday does when my husband works; I did chores around the house and watched the kids play outside.

When my husband arrived home, though, I was spoiled with more gifts (my kids all made lovely gifts or wrote notes to me at school), and we headed out to dinner. Having worked several years in the restaurant industry in high school and college, I know that Mother’s Day is a cuh-razy day to eat out. We went anyway.

I was initially stressed about going, as the kids’ “listening ears” had been tossed out of the window early on in the day, but I’m glad we went (the two margaritas I enjoyed helped, too, ha!). My favorite parts of dinner? When I offered Alex some of my steamed broccoli, and he instead fed me a piece, then put his head on my shoulder and I thought we had a really sweet moment going on. Then, he looked up at me with his big, blue eyes and said “I farted!” I mean, who doesn’t laugh at that one, margarita or not?!?

Later, Andrew spied a mural at the restaurant which features a beloved local figure, and asked “Is that Jungle Jack Hanna?!?” Indeed, it was Jack Hanna in the mural, but Alex got all excited and shot up in his seat, asking “Where is Pastor Anna?!? Mr Carrot?” I hated to break it to him that Pastor Anna and Mr Garrett weren’t there at the restaurant (Garrett will probably forever be lovingly known as Mr Carrot as far as Al is concerned), and as much as I hated to disappoint Alex, I realized again (for the second time today!) how blessed we are to be surrounded by a church family that so carefully looks after our kids.

Even now as the kids are totally milking a thunder storm (they are all camped out on the couch, as if the storm will last for days), I’m reminded how lucky I am to be their mom. They drive me crazy on a daily basis, give me gray hairs, and trash my house, but I don’t know where I’d be without them. They are my sunshine, my shining stars, and my little monkeys. I am so proud of them, and so happy they made me a mommy.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the women in my life who have inspired me to be a better mom and treat my children as their own. I truly could not rule this duck pond without you. 😉

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Contest

I swear, my children have a contest going to see which one of them can make my head explode first. Right now, I’m not certain who is winning.

They were out of school today (you know, because they haven’t had enough time off this year), but since I had to work, I was only with them from about 2:15pm to now. We finally made it to bedtime, but not before they spent hours yelling at each other, tattling, fighting, and not listening to me. Seriously. It was a rough day.

Trying to put a more positive spin on our trying afternoon, I offered to take everyone out for ice cream after Alex’s dance class this evening. When we got there, the drive-through line was really long, and the kids were beyond wound up in anticipation of said ice cream, which made for a very noisy wait (there was no way I was herding all three kids inside Dairy Queen…I’d rather contain the chaos in the car whenever I can). By the time we pulled away, my nerves were shot. So much so that I declared the ride home a “Mommy Time Out”, and said that I needed a couple of minutes of quiet.

“Mommy! MOMmy! MOMMY!”, was Andrew’s immediate response.

My first thought? Are you freaking kidding me? It’s been 12 seconds!! My calm reply? “Andrew, if you’re not on fire or dying at this very moment, please wait two minutes before you talk to me.”

“Mommy? What’s dying? What does that mean? Why can’t I talk to you? When are you going to eat your ice cream? How many days until the Easter egg hunt? Is Daddy going too?”

All I could do was shake my head. Fastest Mommy Time Out ever. EVER.

So now, as they get ready for bed, I will gather up my (mostly melted) ice cream and the book I just started, and go crawl into bed. Tomorrow is a new day. It may not be a quieter day, but it will indeed be a new one, full of opportunities to score points in their Make Mom’s Head Explode contest.

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Pretween

After spending a lovely morning at church, and enjoying a nice lunch out with the family, I decided it was time to stop procrastinating and go shopping for Easter outfits.

It shouldn’t have been such a task, but it seemed very overwhelming. The boys don’t like fussy dress clothes, and I am just not in the mood to buy new clothes for myself, so the only person really excited about the shopping adventure was Addie. So, she and I set off to see what we could find.

Addie is in an interesting stage: not quite a “tween”, but definitely not such a little girl anymore. I mean, I guess she’ll always be our “little girl”, right? But you know what I mean; she is starting to have an opinion (and sometimes an attitude) about what she wears, the activities in which she participates, the music she wants to hear. This previously subtle change was a bit more obvious today.

She immediately found a pair of sandals that she fell in love with and begged me to buy; being in Ohio, I know better than to expect the weather to be nice from here on out after just one weekend of nice weather. I told her that we were going to hold off on sandals for now, but that maybe we could get them when it’s closer to summer. Plus, she couldn’t wear those sandals for Easter, and that was the reason for shopping today.

Cue the whining. And the bargaining.

“I’ll make a deal with you!” she offered, which meant that she was ready to agree to do chores that she would never complete, in order to get the shoes today.

“Not a chance,” was my response, as I sifted through racks of clothes. She persisted, I continued to refuse, and ended up threatening to forego the new Easter dress if she didn’t drop it. Bingo. She really wanted a new dress, I guess.

She found four different dresses that she liked, tried them on, and selected the dress that twirled the best. I tried on several different things, got frustrated because they all looked ridiculous, and put everything back. I did find shirts for the boys, which aren’t very dressy but are at least a springy shade of blue. We’ll call it a satisfactory shopping trip.

Although we had a rough beginning, my pretween did at least thank me as we left the mall, both for bringing her along and for buying her a new dress. I definitely call that a success. I know in the years to come, we’ll continue to butt heads, but if she can still say “thank you” at the end of the day (without prompting!), then I will be willing to look past the pretween/tween/teenage/beyond attitudes.

Now, if only I could convince Andrew to drop his little five year old attitude. That one will take some work.

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The D Word

Here we go, again.

After about a month “off”, it’s time to get back in the gym routine, and well past time to stop shoving mass quantities of food down my throat.

I’ll admit it: I’m a stress eater. I try to solve my problems with junk food. Kids not listening? Hostess cupcakes. Another issue at school? Peanut M&Ms. Long morning with an even longer afternoon and evening ahead? Starbucks. I soothe my worries and anxieties with poor food choices, and now my pants don’t fit.

Enough is enough. Time to be a grown up. As I said earlier today, I need to stop eating like I’m an unsupervised 12 year old boy. I need to get into the gym on a more regular schedule. No more excuses.

Not only do my pants not fit, but I realize that I’m putting myself into all kind of health dangers by not taking care of myself now. More importantly, I’m setting a terrible example for my kids. So, for three reasons (looking/feeling better, health, setting a better example), I’m embarking on this journey.

Yes, I’ve declared these intentions (many times) before now. Yes, I’ve fallen off the wagon. I’m sure I’ll struggle along the way this time, too. But, I need to remind myself that some things are ok in moderation, and I can’t get discouraged and just quit the first time a bad day sends me tearing into some full-fat dinner deliciousness.

I decided a while ago to ditch the D Word (“diet”), so I will refer to this as my Wellness Plan. Go to the gym, don’t eat as much. Pretty simple, I think. I don’t want to use the word “diet”, because I heard a couple years ago that girls can develop eating disorders as early as four years old. With a daughter (and sons!) watching, I don’t want to lead them to believe that you have to diet to be happy with yourself, or to please other people. I do, however, want them to make better choices and be healthy.

So, here I go, again. Wish me luck. It’s going to be fun.

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Beginnings

Mondays. The beginning of the work/school week. Today held another new beginning for our family, as my husband began a new job. The kids also began their Spring Break.

I. Am. Tired.

I’ve been spoiled, because Mark has been home for the last couple of weeks while he waited to begin the new job. So, I’ve had help every morning, getting the kids up, ready, and out the door. Then today came along. Boom! I had to remember how to get everyone up and ready to go; somehow, I did it, and even managed to be on time for work. Score one for mom!

After work, I picked up the kids, took Al to his weekly occupational therapy appointment, fed the kids, did some more work, and now I’m finally ready to wind it down and go to sleep.

Mondays are tough. Today was even tougher. But, I’m thankful for this new chapter for our family, and I’m proud of Mark for leaving a company with which he was very familiar to seek a better opportunity for us.

Bring it, Tuesday.

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Diva?

I may be nearing diva status. Not the typical diva, one who performs and is celebrated for her vocal talents. Rather, something a little different: a Mom Diva. A Miva? A Dimo? I don’t know. The name really isn’t that important.

Like many mothers, I’m involved in my kids’ activities. I have always been supportive of them and their endeavors, but I have always promised myself that I wouldn’t be that mom. I don’t want to be the obnoxious Dance Mom, the pushy Stage Mom, or the loudmouthed Sports Mom. I really, really don’t want to be any of those people. I just don’t have the time or energy. I see the reality shows; I’ve witnessed acts of hard core mom-ing at my own kids’ events. I want none of it. I’m sure their coaches/instructors appreciate it.

Now, when it comes to school matters, or similar issues, it’s a different story. Any time I find myself in the role of the advocate, I find myself a little bit closer to the diva line. Or, at least, that is how those on the other side of the issue tend to respond, like I’m some prima donna that they have to satisfy just to shut me up. When I get what I want for my kids, what I think is in their best interest (I’m not making unreasonable demands), I feel like I’m regarded as that mom. In this case, I’m ok with it.

I’ve recently found myself at two different events, which didn’t go the way I would have liked, and I was unhappy about it. For once, these issues weren’t directly related to the school, but they were tied to the kids. I found myself all wound up, spouting things like “There needs to be a change!” and “Maybe I just won’t kill myself to participate this year!” Definitely diva-worthy statements; had my hair been longer, I probably would have flipped it.

Who am I kidding, though? Of course I’ll continue to participate, and I’ll suggest changes that will probably be easily dismissed. That will feed the inner diva in me, I’ll throw a couple more hissy fits, and that will be the end of it. Or will it? I haven’t really decided yet. (Is this blog post vague enough for you? Ha!)

Fortunately for everyone, the person who will most likely get to deal with Jen the Diva is my husband. Everyone else will probably see a reserved, maybe scowling, Jen, but don’t let that fool you. I could be just one more frustrating meeting away from becoming a full blown, Real Housewives worthy, diva.

Maybe, at the very least, I’ll get my own tv show…

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Break

While pondering what I should blog about this evening, my lovely husband suggested I write about how he so generously gave me a break this afternoon. I enjoyed the support, so here goes…

Sunday. A time to relax and gear up for the week ahead. We begin our Sundays with church; it is a great way to refocus and find peace after a week of chaos, to recharge and prepare for the upcoming days. This morning was no different. We enjoyed a wonderful service, and were ready to head home and move on to the next part of our day (a trip to the library).

I should totally know, by now, that my best laid plans are quickly revised by Alex.

As we were making our way out of the church, Mr Alex decided (for a still unknown reason) that he wasn’t ready to leave. Instead, he apparently thought it would be more fun to drop to the floor and refuse to move. Good times. We just started working with a behaviorist, who will hopefully guide us in maneuvering these tantrums, so I started to employ some of our newly learned tactics. I let him tantrum. Ad and I stood with him while he sat on the floor, letting him know that he could sit as long as he wanted, but we would still need to walk to the car to go home. He was not impressed. After about ten minutes, I was done. Patience gone. I helped him to his feet and began to assist him in walking down the hall. We made it a few steps and he dropped to a bench. I decided to start over, and let him know that we needed to go to the car so we could go home. This went on for a while, and then my patience was gone again. I hoisted him up and began to carry him out to the car; this is not an easy task when you have 50 pounds of squirming, angry boy in your arms!

After another 10 minutes or so, we made it to the car. Not without a scene in front of visitors to our church from Mexico, of course; it wouldn’t happen any other way. Ha! At least I can giggle about what they must have been thinking as I struggled to get Alex to the car. Oh, well.

When we finally made it to the car, Al would not get buckled. At that point, I didn’t care; we were in the car, and this introvert could, at long last, exhale. Another 10 minutes went by, and Alex was buckled in his seat and ready to go. It took us about a half hour to get to that point.

We made it home, and I went to find Mark (who had stayed home today), and I quickly told him that I was taking Addie out for a lunch date. I needed to get away from the chaos, I was hungry, and I felt like Ad needed rewarded for not complaining once when we were dealing with Al’s latest episode. She helped carry our stuff to the car, she patiently waited, and I felt like treating her to lunch.

Mark instantly recognized that I needed a break, and he accepted the spontaneous change of our afternoon plans without question. He’s awesome like that. He doesn’t spend as much time with the kids, as he works full time (while I work part time and escort the kids to most of their after-school activities), so he doesn’t get to deal with quite as many fits as I do. He knows how much a well-timed getaway is needed to help restore my patience, so he encouraged us to go.

Ad and I had a lovely time at lunch; we did a little shopping, and we returned home. I had a headache (go figure) and spent the rest of the day lounging on the couch, watching basketball. I haven’t had a “lazy day” in a long time. It was nice.

I am very thankful to all of those in our lives that help and support us. Alex can certainly be a handful sometimes (but mostly for me…go figure, again!). I tend to play it off like it either doesn’t happen as much, or that I can easily handle it, but the truth is that it is very difficult. It wears on me. But, because I have a partner who sees right through me and has the insight to not say a word when I decide on a whim to change our plans, I manage it. If not for his support and understanding, this ride would be much wilder.

Now, I’m off to enjoy the last couple of hours of my “lazy day” so I can suit up and be ready to tackle the world tomorrow.

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Danger

This evening, I was fortunate enough to hear a presentation on Digital Danger by the Digital Innocence Recovery Group, a non-profit organization which offers programming to battle internet-related crimes. My kids’ school guidance counselor hosted this discussion, and I figured it would be worth my time to attend the meeting. Even though my children are still pretty young, in terms of internet usage, I want to be as educated as possible in how I can keep them safe in the technological world.

The internet can offer amazing resources, and frankly, in order to find success as adults our children will need to be quite tech savvy; at least, they will have to be more tech savvy than some of us are now as adults. It was sobering to hear, though, how easily a kid can screw up their future chances in education and employment by their online behavior. Not only can they find themselves in trouble, they can also become a target of the evil that lurks on the internet, in far more ways than I cared to consider before tonight’s discussion.

As daunting as all of this may seem, we can’t shield our kids from technology. Rather, it is imperative that we take an active role in their online activity. Even now, with their limited use of technology at home, my kids know the rules. I hold the password to the Apple IDs on their devices, so that they can’t install any apps without my knowledge. My daughter knows that her dad and I reserve the right to pick up her iPod Touch at any time and read through her texts. She’s had no issue with us doing that (her texts to friends are very sweet and innocent), but hopefully she realizes that this rule will continue for a long, long time. My sons will have the same rules when they begin to text and more regularly use technology. I’m quite certain, that as online resources continue to evolve, their list of rules will only grow.

Overprotective? You better believe it. Tonight’s presentation opened my eyes to something very important: We can’t completely restrict the kids’ technological experiences, but instead, we have to inform them on how to be responsible digital citizens.

What’s one more thing on the “How to Be a Good Parent” list?