All kids have bad days. All people have bad days. But when Alex has a bad day, it goes beyond what most people would probably imagine, because he tends to save these episodes for me. It’s always fun, though, when Alex chooses to display his tantrums in public, and even more fun when it occurs in front of people we know (like this evening, when he threw himself on the floor, screaming, in front of not one, but all three pastors at our church).
And today, of all days, I chose to work on my arms at the gym. So there I was, already sore, and trying to convince my stubborn kiddo (who is very strong, I might add) to put on his coat and his shoes so we could go home. Easy request, right? I wasn’t asking him to do anything difficult. But wow, did that set him off. I still don’t know exactly why he got so upset. He is probably very tired, having not slept well last night, and he didn’t eat much dinner so he could have been hungry. It was also the first night of a new Wednesday evening schedule, so that could have also played into the situation.
It’s like having an inconsolable infant; you know something is wrong, and you can narrow it down to a few things that may be causing the tantrum, and then all you can do is try to go down the list to find a solution. Only in this case, it’s much more frustrating because he is capable of telling me what he wants or needs, but for some unknown reason, this time he doesn’t. He is very verbal; he makes demands all the time. He sings songs and tells jokes, and has a terrific imagination. He has the ability to “use his words” (I can’t tell you how many times a day I use that phrase), but in this scenario, he just doesn’t. Instead, he cries and screams, and I’m left to determine why.
To add insult to injury, when I share these situations with those who are supposed to be helping us, I get the ever-predictable response of placing the blame on his Down syndrome. I’m not buying it anymore. Yes, his Down syndrome makes communication more difficult for him, but why does he have that hairline trigger that sets him off the way it does? Why, after throwing a 20 minute tantrum, can he revert back to his cheerful, funny disposition, like nothing ever happened? Something else is going on; his Down syndrome might contribute to it, but there is something else.
Now, to just figure out what that is, and how to handle it. Exhausting.
4 COMMENTS
I feel you !
However i do know what's sets off Erick's bad behavior or tantrums ; he doesn't like when people talk like not in good mood , he has this sensitivity to feel when people is having a bad day and we show that to others , for me being a special needs mom , everyday I have my bad moments , and sometimes I didn't even realize how I'm asking him to do things and that is when he start his reaction towards my bad day , and there I am having an even worse day !
Don't get me wrong I have a lot of patience , but when he cries or throws things everywhere , most of those days we both end up crying out loud.
We have a tough job, Erika! I can completely relate; sometimes I get snippy when I don't mean to be. :/
Please don't feel bad about a breakdown in front of us. The three of us aren't judging, although I think it is safe to say that all three of us felt a bit helpless. In times like that, how can we (and our KA community) help out? Is it better for us to just let you do your awesome mom thing? Should we (do what we did and) occupy your other kids?
Like you mentioned, I understand that it is not Alex's Down syndrome that causes these meltdowns, it is just that he is a kid. A free spirited, sometimes temperamental *kid.* Which is why I don't know what to do a lot of times (not just with you, but with all parents). I don't have children, so a lot of behavior I think is helpful from a bystander is not, and frustrates parents who are doing their best. I can't relate to what you're going through in parenting, so know that I look to you as an example of loving, caring, good parenting. I hope that if I choose children, I can be half the parent you are to your three ducklings!!
BTW, how are your arms feeling today? If they're anything like mine, I'm avoiding my water bottle… a Nalgene is heavy after arm day
Thanks, Anna, for your kind comments!! I knew there was not judgement, but I am embarrassed in those situations only because I am not comfortable being the center of attention…kiddo meltdowns are an introvert's nightmare.
I feel helpless in these situations, too, because I don't always know why he is upset, and he is now too big for me to contain the outbursts. At the point when we all met at the door, he had already been upset for a while (the episode started down in the AWE room), and I was desperate to get him to the car so he might calm down.
Distracting the other kids was awesome, because they don't always understand why Alex does what he does. The help was appreciated; my apologies for not expressing that, as I was frustrated with him, and myself, and the situation in general. It's been a trying week.
Oh, and my arms are so sore today!!