Battles

I’m a pick-your-battles kind of mom.

Sure, the house is usually a mess, and it’s always very loud, but my kids (typically) have good manners. I may have to make a round of chicken nuggets at dinner, but they (mostly) do their homework on time.  They know what is important to us (respect, dependability, and honesty, to name a few), and they carry through on those things.

I simply don’t have the time or energy to fight every single battle with these kids.  I can either pick and choose my fights and enjoy their childhood, or I can play drill sergeant and nitpick every last detail to try and create “perfect” children.  The latter does not sound the least bit appealing, so I have to let some things go.

Obviously, it might sometimes be nice to have impeccably behaved children, who ate everything placed on a plate in front of them and never left a trace through the house.  In fact, some days, that sounds heavenly. But, after thinking about it, I realized how very dull our day-to-day lives would be if this was the case at our house.  Our kids are who they are because we allow them to be themselves.  Sure, they find themselves in trouble sometimes (more often than not, some days!) for mouthing off or having an attitude, or for making a ridiculous mess and then walking away, but all in all, they need to have some freedom to express themselves. If that means that the house will be untidy sometimes, fine.

When you’re a parent, you make many sacrifices.  It just comes with the territory.  My kids know the importance of respecting everybody, period.  They say “please” and “thank you” without being prompted. My daughter understands, and the boys are starting to learn, that when you say you’ll do something, you do it.  I will gladly sacrifice a spotless, quiet house and foodie kids in exchange for those things.

I’m sure that as they get older, the battles I choose will change.  There will probably be more things to fight. I feel confident, though, that I will still be selective in which issues I battle.  I want to enjoy the kids while they are kids, and I feel like this is a good step towards doing that.

Words

Today, 3/5/14, is a day to raise awareness: Spread the Word to End the Word.  If you’ve not yet heard of this campaign, you can find all the details at www.r-word.org.

The “r-word”.  This is the focus of this campaign.  You’ve all heard it; you may have even said it.  I have, before I ever learned how hurtful it can be.  The purpose of a day like today is to share what I’ve learned about using such hateful language, even if you never intend any harm.  Most people who say the r-word don’t have ill intentions; I’m here to tell you, though, that it is hurtful, and it is wrong.

This isn’t the first year I’ve recognized this campaign, or blogged about it, or posted about it on my Facebook and Twitter pages.  I will continue to help Spread the Word, though, until more people are willing to admit that the use of any hurtful language is inappropriate.  I’ve had lengthy debates with people over this, and I’ve heard a lot attempts to defend this word: “You can’t ban words, that’s ridiculous”, “You take this too personally”, “That word is still used in a clinical setting!”, or “It’s just a word”. I could go on, but I think my favorite is “I’m sick of having to be so ‘PC’ all the time”.

Let me tell you about being politically correct.

I’m sick of hearing people complain about it.  You know what it comes down to?  RESPECT.  Easy as that. If we truly respected each other enough to stop making ignorant choices in our language, then there wouldn’t be such a cry for everyone to be “politically correct”.  Instead, we could just call it “just being nice”.  (This rant goes well beyond the use of the r-word.  We’ll revisit this in a later post, I’m sure…)

I fear that it will be a long time before advocates like myself can relax and pat ourselves on the back because everyone is just being nice to each other.  I’m not naive enough to believe that this will be a short-lived campaign.  It will take a lot of diligent work, which is sometimes awkward; have you ever called anyone out for using the r-word?  Or any inappropriate slur?  It’s not easy.  It sometimes causes conflict, and embarrassment.  It must be done, though.  It doesn’t have to be a huge confrontation; a simple, quiet, yet direct statement does the trick: “I think you would like to know that using that word is not appropriate.  It’s hurtful and unnecessary.” And then move on.  There’s no reason to dwell on it.  Hopefully, the person who used the word will then stop to think before they say it again.  If they don’t, you’ve at least planted a seed. That’s where it begins.

Alex has taught me a lot in his nine and a half years, much more than I feel I’ve taught him.  I’ve become a more understanding person, more patient, and more passionate about standing up for issues that are important.  This is a big one.  When people use the r-word, they are insulting my son, and they are belittling all the hard work he has put forth just to keep up.  I will not stand for it.  He may not be able to speak up about this just yet, but I certainly can.

I wouldn’t tolerate the use of any slurs in my presence.  Again, it comes back to that little seen attribute, respect.  Hearing the r-word, though, launches me to the top of my soap box, and I won’t come down until I’ve let you know about it.

Save me a trip to my perch on that soap box, would you?  Go to www.r-word.org and take the pledge. Share it on your Facebook and Twitter pages.  Help us Spread the Word to End the Word.

Hair

I took Addie to get her hair trimmed tonight.  She’s needed this for quite a while, but has balked at the thought of a haircut because she wants to have long hair.  It was to the point, though, of looking scraggly and out of control, so I was happy that I finally convinced her to get the trim.

I started thinking about how obsessed we are, as a culture, with our hair.  Too much hair, not enough, none at all.  Too gray, too treated, too trendy, not trendy enough.  Where does it end?  When my seven year old has very definitive thoughts about how she should wear her hair, is that too young to care?  We’ve tried to teach all the kids that how a person look doesn’t matter, but some of the cultural influences have obviously started to creep in.  I’ll admit it, I’ve gotten on Ad’s case for messy hair, but that is because I want her to learn to take care of herself.  If I say something to her, she brushes her hair, then slides a headband on or clips her hair out of her eyes, and we move on with our day.  I ask that all my kids have clean and tidy appearances, and hopefully that isn’t feeding into a future unhealthy obsession.

We’re all guilty of having a certain fascination with our hair.  We assign it a big piece of our identity.  I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with this; I’m just curious as to why this might be.  It’s traumatic when we lose our hair, for whatever reason.  Many of us put a lot of thought into how we wear our hair.  I tend to change mine as often as I can, giving the guy who styles it free reign (almost) with the color and style.  My philosophy is this: it will grow back, and if I’m going to pay that much money to have it done, then I want people to notice.  Plus, it’s way easier and far less painful to change my hair style than it is to drop ten pounds.  Right?  Right.

I’m quite certain this isn’t the first episode Addie will have in dealing with her appearance.  I’m all for letting her have control over it (as long as she is respectful), but I do hope she takes it easy on herself.  Easier said than done, I know.

Selfie

Selfie.  Such a strange weird, no?  Our culture has become obsessed with them.  It seems quite vain to post photos of ourselves, either alone or with friends, but we do it anyway.  It’s fun.  I’m guilty of doing it.  I mean, how else am I going to get feedback on a new haircut, or show off how artistic I can be with my iPhone camera as I sit out in the sun?

I watched last night as Ellen challenged the world to retweet the now famous Celebrity Selfie from the Oscars.  I played along; I mean, when Ellen says to do something, you just do it.  It was a silly, fun moment during an event that has been terribly dry in the past.  It kept us watching.  Now, what they should have done was have that photo printed, then had everyone in it sign their name, and they could have auctioned that thing off for a ton of money which could have then been donated to one of the charities supported by the people in that picture.  (You can tell that Team Alex will kick off in just 18 days…everything is a fundraising idea right now…)

For those of us who are always snapping the photos of our families and friends, selfies are important pieces of our own history.  Without them, there may be zero pictures of us.  I never think to ask someone to take a photo of me with my family; instead, I’m just taking a picture of them.  Now, though, it’s too easy to just turn the camera around, grab one of the kids, make a funny face, and boom…instant memory.

So, yes, selfies are fun, and it’s a trend in which I partake, but seriously, could we not come up with a better name for it?  I’m not even certain what would be better, but there has to be something.  I’ll keep thinking on that, but until that lightening bolt strikes, here’s a cute selfie that my Addie and I took just a while ago.

Oscars

Sunday nights: a time to relax and prepare for the week ahead.  And, once a year, it’s (finally!) time to watch the Academy Awards.

Movie

We finally had the opportunity to take the kids to see The Lego Movie today.  They have been anxious to go see it, but our busy schedules have caused a delay.

We opted to see the film in 3D, as we arrived to the theatre closer to the beginning of that showing than the 2D.  The cost for a family of five to see a 3D movie?  $53.  I’m sorry, but that is obscene.  We typically wait until movies go to the “cheap theatre” before we see a kids’ movie, because it’s way cheaper (usually around $24 for all five of us, including concessions!), and the kids rarely sit through an entire film.  It’s just more practical to wait a little while longer to see a movie instead of paying ridiculous ticket prices.  Again, though, they were really excited to see this particular movie, so we splurged.

We bypassed concessions this time, though; they had snacked all day, and I may have tucked a few treats into my purse, so they were just fine without popcorn and slushies.  The movie kept them pretty occupied, and they really didn’t even miss the extra junk food.

I thought the story was entertaining enough, although I felt the ending was a little over their heads.  Visually, there was enough going on to keep them engaged in the story, and two of the three kids enjoyed it.  My oldest, however, decided that napping through the end of the movie was a better use of his time.  Eh, well, at least he was quiet.

All in all, I’m happy the kids got to see the movie today.  They’ll get to discuss the film with their friends at school next week, and I’m guessing they will continue to reenact their favorite scenes.  I do hope, though, that they stop singing that song.  I’m already over it.

'Night

It’s been a long week. A long, strange, week. 

Conferences

Tonight, I visited with all of the kids’ teachers for Parent/Teacher Conferences.  It’s always nice to hear what the kids are doing in class, and how they are progressing.

Addie’s teacher had great things to say.  Second grade is going well for Ad!  She is quite the little reader, and has improved in math.  She is doing well socially, too, and has lots of friends.  I wasn’t surprised at all to hear any of that.  Addie loves school, and dreads weekends and breaks because she enjoys school that much.

Andrew’s teachers also had good things to report.  He is definitely ready for Kindergarten; my response was, “But is Kindergarten ready for Andrew??” (they politely laughed).  They told me that he is a leader in class, and that the kids look to him (that made me both proud and a little worried; this kid is ornery!). Overall, though, they had nothing but great comments about my youngest kiddo.

Alex’s conference shouldn’t have had any surprises, either.  I meet with his team at school often enough to know how he’s doing.  I always schedule a conference, though, just to touch base in a different setting (his classroom, as opposed to a conference room) and briefly check in.  My plan was to gather all the dates of the third grade standardized testing (he doesn’t participate in these tests, but it’s a great time to set up dentist appointments and the like), and ask about the Pioneer Day event coming up in May.

I was very pleasantly surprised, though, to hear a lovely story of inclusion.  During a group exercise where the students were asked to go to the board to solve a word puzzle, Alex raised his hand for a turn.  He marched up to the board, all by himself (I hear he usually requests a buddy to accompany him), then proceeded to solve the puzzle, correctly, all on his own.  If the look of pride he had wasn’t enough, his classmates all cheered their support for him when he got the answer right, which I’m sure brightened his smile.  His teacher told me that she had to turn her back so they wouldn’t see her cry.  Score one for inclusion, right?!?  I loved hearing this.

Then, though, his aide (this was the first time an aide had ever attended a meeting, by the way…my advocacy at work, yay!) began telling me about a song that Alex sings every day when he washes his hands after using the restroom.  “Something about ‘tight pants'”, she explained, and my jaw hit the table.  You see, Alex caught Mark and I watching the Jimmy Fallon/Will Ferrell skit called “Tight Pants” (which is freaking hysterical…Google it if you haven’t seen it), and because we were laughing so hard, he has memorized it and sings it to make us laugh.  It’s pretty stinking funny to watch him act out the skit. I had no idea he was repeating it at school, though.

Thank goodness for teachers and aides with good senses of humor.  That’s all I can say about that. Goodness.

All in all, it was a pleasant evening of conferences.  I’m fortunate in that all of my kids enjoy school, and have excellent teachers.  It makes evenings like this much easier than I suppose they could be.

And now I have the “Tight Pants” song stuck in my head…again.

Sneeze

Don’t you hate it when you have to sneeze, but it’s just…stuck?  I’ve had that feeling all evening. 

Late

So, Tuesday’s post is a little late.  Like, a whole day late.  But, if you know me, then you know that this is perfectly in line with the way I am; I operate on “Jen Standard Time”.  In my world, everything runs a little behind.

I actually felt like complete crap yesterday, and I decided to invoke the very rare Mommy Sick Day.  I did absolutely nothing (aside from the basic kid responsibilities, of course), and I’m now paying the price because I am way behind. Sometimes, though, you have to take a break before you absolutely fall apart. Although my to-do list is totally out of control by now, I’m hoping to avoid a major bout of illness because I was mindful enough to take a day off.

Regular blogging should resume later today…